I'm what you'd call a three time loser. I used to be like a pepsi can, I was from the new generation, strong and fresh, I thought I was the real thing. I let my so called friends use me, and they used me. When I got put in jail I was crushed, cause they didn't want anything to do with me anymore cause I didn't have anything they wanted. But I've been recycled. I don't let my friends use me anymore and if you were smart, you'd be the same way.
I'm just one in about 104 death row inmates scheduled to die. But what does matter to me is you kids out there and your future. The choices you make right now in your life will not only affect you but your whole family. So you'd better make the right choices, cause I can tell you when you make the wrong choices, what you go through, how much it hurts, and most of all...what you do to your family and loved ones.
For the last twenty years of my life, I've been in prisons, and I've spent the past 13 years on Tennessee's death row. At one time I slept about twenty feet from the electric chair, called Old
Sparky. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about death and dying in that electric chair and I thought about what got me there. It was not going to school, getting a good education, drugs, alcohol and being a gang member, and choosing the wrong kind of friends.
I went to a man's home. He had bought ten pounds of marijuana from members of our motorcycle club. He paid half and missed a couple of deadlines, and they sent me there to talk to him. When he got out of his car, I seen how big he was. He had a bag in one hand, a gun in the other. When he saw me, he threw the bag and fired. I remember seeing the flash of that gun and the burn in my side. I knew he had shot me, and like a chain reaction, I returned fire. When the smoke cleared, I was lying on his carport. I had been shot four time lying in a pool of blood. Choker had been shot down and was killed.
Right when I was on the blink of death God came to me in a vision and showed me how wrong I'd lived my life. He give me back my life that night and none of the doctors could believe it. When I come out of my coma the doctors told me I was lucky to be alive. But you know I didn't feel too lucky.
I was sent to death row and it was dirty with roaches crawling up the walls. I saw how nasty that little cell was. The next morning they brought me my food and slid it under the door of my cell like I was some kind of animal. That evening they asked me if I wanted to go to the exercise yard and I told them yes. They put my hands behind my back and let me out to the exercise yard. I
looked around and it looked like I was in a dog kennel. I was out there for one hour, ten minutes to shower, and the rest of the time I was locked up in my cell.
That's when I found out that three walk was nicknamed the dungeon. I didn't know if it was cold or hot, raining or sun shining. I never saw the stars or the moon. See, we never had a window in my cell and for ten years I had to live like that. It is the small things like walking on grass, I hadn't walked on grass in over 13 years.
I met Frank Bambridge at that time. He stopped at my cell and I thought "Here is another Jesus freak, cause God didn't have any meaning in my life. Our conversation was always limited. We became good friends.
I had become a big burden on my family and friends and I decided to kill myself. But that wasn't the answer. I put sheets up in the cell and was going to hang myself. I sat back on my bunk and wondered how in the world did I come to this place where I wanted to kill myself. I traced back in my mind to see if I could find the answers.
I remembered growing up in a small town in Clinchcove Virginia. I come from a large family with five brothers and four sisters. And even though we didn't have as much as others, we had plenty of love for one another. I guess it was a struggle that we see our parents going through to try and give us kids things, just to put food on the table. But they always gave us the love of God and I remember going to school with my two older sisters and I was always bothered because they were smarter than me. But me, I just couldn't understand what my teacher was trying to teach me.
She thought I was lazy and didn't want to learn so she started to humiliate me in front of the others like drawing little circles on the blackboard and making me stand with my nose pressed against it, or having the class read out from the readers, and when it came my turn, she would get angry. She would run over and grab my hand and beat it with a ruler. I thought how embarrassing because all the other kids were laughing at me. And when we got to go outside I always had to stay in and get punished, but when I did go outside, I had to wear a hat that said I was a dunce. I couldn't read and I would sit on the steps of the school and cry my eyes out.
My sisters would feel sorry for me, but there wasn't anything they could do. SO I just ended up hating school, hating my teachers and ended up trying to learn anything. When I got a little older, I found out I had a learning disability called Dyslexia. That's when you see your alphabets upside down. I didn't know the difference between a B, D< P M W, or 9 and 6. I grew up not being able to read and write. And deep down I was ashamed of myself and I still am.
You think it's easy for me to tell you that I can't read and write? It's embarrassing man. So I ended up hating school, hating my teacher and ended up not learning anything. I remember it wasn't long that my father tried to kill himself and I thank God that he didn't.
As I got a little older, I started hanging around this pool hall. I'd see these bikers come into the pool hall and they'd be wearing these motorcycle jackets and carrying guns. I seen how much respect they got from others. I saw a lot of drugs and money being made and I wanted to be a part of that. I knew I'd never be an A 1 student or make anything out of myself. But I thought if I got to be known as a tough guy, it was better than being known as a nobody.
SO I started hanging around these bikers and naturally I learned how to cuss, I learned how to steal, I learned how to sell drugs, and I learned how to do them. TO put it plainly, I wasn't nothing but a fowl mouth little punk. It wasn't long before I began taking these drugs to school to sell them. And the other kids thought I was cool and looked up to me as some kind of leader. But I wasn't being cool, I was being a fool. Because if I knew then what I know now, I'd of stayed in school, gotten an education and made something of myself.
It wasn't long before I got kicked out of school and at the time I thought it was the happiest time of my life. So I just went back to the old motorcycle gang, wheeling, stealing and doing drugs. I earned the nickname Hustler for my fast and easy way to earning money. But little did I know or care that the state of Tennessee had a cell waiting for me, and it was on Tennessee's death row.
It wasn't long before I got arrested and put in jail. My parents darkest nightmare was coming true. I was on my way to
prison. And when I saw that prison, it looked like an old castle I'd seen in story books. I stood in that breezeway, I saw two men hugging and kissing. I thought to myself, oh God what have I gotten myself into cause I never ever forgot the sound of those steel doors closing behind me. Cause when I come off that prison, it was like stepping into a world of violence. I seen a lot of stealing, a lot of robbing, a lot of raping and a lot of killings. I knew that sooner or later someone would try me and I would have to stand up for myself cause everyone knows that prison is the devils playground where only the strong survive. It's a steel and concrete jungle where you learn how to kill or be killed.
You don't have much of a life in there. You don't even have a name, you have a number. You belong to the state and they tell you every move you make. They can treat you anyway they want to and there's nothing you or anybody else can do about it.
Let me tell you how easy it is to die in prison. These two brothers had stolen a car and gone joyriding. They caught prison time and one day the youngest one was late for chow. He ran and got in front of others to be with his brother. A fight began and he was stabbed in the heart. He died in his brothers arms.
I could never tell you about all the violence I've seen in life, all the beatings, stabbing, and killings. The dreams I had when I was younger of being a tough guy was coming true. I became known as the National Enforcer for the motorcycle gangs. I loved it because prison had filled me with hate, and my lifestyle consisted of drugs, alcohol, and hatred and massive destruction.
Even my fellow gang members feared hustler, because they knew there was nothing I wouldn't' have done.
My dad used to tell me that I caused him more trouble than my brothers and sisters. But you know I didn't care how much I hurt my mother and dad and how much shame I put on our family. The only thing that was important was me being cool around all my friends.
So I know how you kids are under a lot of pressure. Some of you come from broken and abused homes and you think that's a good enough excuse to throw your lives away. I know when you're teenagers you think your smart enough, and life is just a big bore, but I'm telling you from someone who can't read and write you re going to need all the education you can get. When you're out with your friends, your friends will put a lot of pressure on you, and talk you into doing a lot of stupid things like taking drugs and alcohol cause I know that peer pressure is hell and you'd do anything to fit in with your friends.
But you'll get to the point where your not using drugs and alcohol, it's the drugs and alcohol using you. Cause you'll start stealing from your friends and family. And if your lucky when you get caught, you'll just go to jail for a little while, but if you keep on robbing stealing and taking, you're going to prison, and you may end up losing your own life. Many of my friends have.
When I was young, I got my high school sweetheart pregnant. So we ran away, got married and had a beautiful daughter. Shireen was her name. She's been the highlight of my life, just like you are to your parents. But see, I never was there for Shireen, but she didn't use me for an excuse to throw her life away. She listened to me and went to school and stayed away from drugs and alcohol. Now, she's a sophomore in college and I am proud when she calls me her daddy.
A good education is the key to success. And its not going out here trying to prove that your' tough, by doing drugs, joining gangs, robbing stealing and hurting people. Cause that just leads to a lonely and miserable life. I know cause that's the life I've led. And you think, man, why are you telling me this. I'm doing this for each and every one of you. So you don't' end up throwing your life away, like me and thousands like me. Cause I'm going to be handcuffed and taken to my cell where I'm going to have to spend my life if I'm not executed. Now that is real.
The last twenty years of my life has been along and rough road to travel, but it was an easy one to find. My advice to you is stay out of jails cause they will take you away from everything you ever loved. Stay in school and get a good education and make something out of yourselves, and you won't end up blowing it like me.
Another Chapter from Georgia h
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